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Being in a healthy dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship can be fulfilling but it also takes a lot of work. Even being a submissive requires tact, patience, and training. My name is Goddess Lila and I’m a professional online femdom goddess and humiliatrix. Here are my tips to help you become a better submissive.

woman in the submissive lifestyle

4 Tips to be a Good Submissive

1. A Good Submissive Trusts Their Dom

One of the most important aspects of a D/s relationship is trust. It’s natural for subs to first resist being told what to do, but in the end it is obedience that matters. During my career as an online humiliatrix, I’ve come across many different men. Some of them would claim they were submissive, only to argue with me once I told them something they didn’t like. A good sub understands that his dominant always knows what’s best.

Simply stop thinking and give in to the moment.

“Letting go” and focusing on your dominant gets you into that sweet subspace. If you don’t fully trust your dom to have your best interest at heart, then you are with the wrong person. Take your time and make sure that you’re with someone you trust completely.

2. Set Soft & Hard Limits

Every sane sexperimenting with dominant and submissive rolesubmissive should set soft and hard limits.

Hard limits are the most important. They are the things that are completely off-limits and should be respected by both parties. Soft limits are things you may be nervous or hesitant about indulging in. These limits are more likely to change over time.

Write down your absolute hard no’s and share them with your dom or mistress.

Make sure to have a “safe word” that you can use during play. A good sub should respect himself and be able to speak up when uncomfortable. There is a difference between an abusive D/s relationship and a healthy one.

3. Be Clear About Your Intentions

Be clear about your intentions in the D/s lifestyle.

Do you truly derive satisfaction from pleasing your superior or are you a fetishist? From my experience as a domme, many men who think they are submissive are just fetishists.

Liking feet by itself doesn’t make you a sub by itself; it only means you like feet.

A D/s relationship that revolves around actual servitude will be very different than a one-off kink experience. A good submissive can have fetishes but his main purpose should always be to serve and be useful.

4. Aim To Please

A true submissive always puts his dominant first. You should truly care about bettering your dominant’s life and making him or her happy. Focusing only on the fetishes that please and get you off is the exact opposite of being a good submissive. Aim to find out your dominant’s favorite things and gift them. Do things for your dominant without expecting any sexual gratification.

These tips may seem simple but they can make a significant difference. Work on one or two things at a time and you’ll be well on your way of becoming a better submissive.