If you are femme-identified, and you lean toward the submissive side, “good girl” has the potential to be a powerful aphrodisiac. Whether it’s offered up gaspingly in response to your oral sex skills, or whispered in your ear when you get back from a long day at work, “good girl” can be delightful to hear.
(NOTE: if you are a boy/boi, “good boy” may also apply here!)
If you haven’t heard this sweet, tender praise yet, that’s okay. Here are some suggestions to help make that happen!
Ask for it.
Have you told your lover, your top, your daddy/mommy—however they identify—that you want to hear those words, that you like and/or need explicit praise in that particular form? Have you had conversations yet about what your power dynamic feels like, and how you would like to try “earning” those verbal gold stars? That’s where you need to start. Nobody is psychic, and not everyone is comfortable with this kind of play; in fact, I’d be suspicious of someone who starts tossing around “good girl” without that conversation. There’s a very particular feel to that phrase, and not every submissive is into it. But if you are, you have to ask for it.
(NOTE: Hopefully your partner will be into you being a “good girl” too, or be willing to try it on a few times during your time together. But if they’re not—if this is a game they don’t want to play—then you have to decide if they’re worth the trade-off, and you mustn’t pressure them about it. Being a spoiled brat doesn’t work if the other person isn’t into it.)
In this opening conversation, you and your lover get to decide what exactly you’re going to be getting praise for, which depends entirely on the nature of the dynamic that you want to explore. Oh gosh, that feels so jargony. Let me rephrase that: YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHAT GAMES YOU’RE GOING TO PLAY, WOO-HOOO!
- Do you want to be a “good girl” in your sex life? Then find out what skills your lover would like you to learn, or ask them what you already do that they really like.
- Do either of you, or both, like the idea of “playing house”? Do they want to see you accomplish normal household things in a sexy way, and are you into that? If yes, get the details right: no spilling when serving food, even if you are in six-inch stilettos, or doing your hair in a certain way for a play session. Pigtails aren’t just decorative, right?
- How about praise for non-sex things? Okay, hear me out. Getting a “good girl” adds something special to even the most tedious or mundane task: learning recipes, writing chapters in your book, filing the taxes… tough life tasks—big or small—can be celebrated! Let your partner know what you’d like help on, and make it super cute by keeping them apprised of what you’ve accomplished: “Look what I did!”
Pay attention to how you feel when your partner praises you like this. If it makes you giggle, go ahead and do that. If you blush, don’t worry: that’s a very cute look on a good girl. If you get all squirmy, tell your partner about it. If it makes you want to do more, go ahead and ask your partner what they’d like you to do next.
Strive for it.
Yes, you told your partner what you want, and that you want this kind of praise. You’re enjoying this, awesome! But don’t be too greedy. This isn’t actually all or even mostly about you. This is about doing what your partner wants well enough for them to be moved to appreciate it. If they offer suggestions for improvement, treat it like any performance critique you might get at work, and work on it. You don’t just get a participation trophy here!
Listen when they’re responding to your sex-act homework of the week, and take their feedback seriously. Make the dinner to the best of your ability; make sure the food and presentation and service are good. Nail that work project, and maybe bring a picture home, or something that you can show your partner. Don’t spill a drop when they come in your mouth.
You’ll be hearing “good girl” in no time.