A friend of mine once told me she was jealous of what she termed my “adventurous sexual past.” I can’t get my husband to do more than just tie me up, she’d said. My answer was simple. Have you asked him to do other things? No, the bondage had been his idea, and he’d been happy to keep with that. But she wanted more. She wanted to be a harem girl; she wanted to have him order her to take her panties off in a crowded restaurant; she wanted him to finger her in a movie theater, and then later let her go down on him. I told her to let her fantasies be known, and her husband might surprise her by telling her he’d thought about those things, too.
I’m not sure how to do that, she said, so we talked about different ways to act out fantasies. We came up with more than a few.
When I was younger, I was seeing a man who enjoyed variety. We experimented with more than a few things, but the first time we acted out a fantasy was when he blindsided me with it. He’d been planning it for some time, but had kept it to himself.
One night, while he was guarding exhibits at a con in a public building, he called and told me he was bored and asked me to come visit. A late night booty call sounded like fun, so I went. But while I was thinking sex in a sleeping bag, he had other ideas.
When I came in he came up behind me and pulled me into his chest. “I want to order something from the concession stand,” he said. I responded it was closed. He said not for what he had in mind. So we pretended to be worker and customer, and he ordered me, onto the counter so he could have his way with me.
After an intoxicating scene we cleaned up the counter with copious amounts of bleach, even though we’d put down a towel, and he said he’d been fantasizing about it all day.
“The reality of it was much better,” he’d laughed.
Blindsiding someone with a fantasy can be great fun, for both parties. It did my ego good to know he’d been thinking about me all day while he was working with his friends at the con.
A simple blindside like this is a very doable fantasy that will leave both partners smiling.
Making a plan
While having sex somewhere other than your bedroom might be easy to plan, other fantasies might be more difficult. You can’t just bring another partner in your bedroom and say, “We’re having a ménage à trois tonight. I’ve been fantasizing about it for a while.”
If you want to add another person to your lovemaking is the fantasy, you need to talk to your partner, make sure you’re on the same page. Then you need to make plans. Doing this can be as exciting as acting out the actual fantasy. Anticipation is a powerful aphrodisiac. Finding a third partner, asking if your significant other is attracted to that person, could be a great turn on that will set up powerful scenes before the actual fantasy is acted upon.
Approaching someone about a threesome must be done delicately. You don’t want to piss off a friend, who might think the idea is distasteful. Approach the subject in a roundabout way, and feel them out, so to speak. You’d be surprised at the number of people who fantasize about adding partners to their sexual play.
In this, as in so many aspects of sex, communication is key. You don’t want to anger your partner in what is supposed to be an exciting adventure for the both of you.
How to bring more fantasy into your life
Spicing up your sex life can be easy. Once you decide that fantasy makes things fun, you can build it into your life, or just let it happen as it will. More than likely, you and your partner have some of the same ideas, and talking it out will bring those plans to light.
If you think making plans takes the fun out of it, try this: write down your ideas on pieces of paper and put them into a jar. On the night you want to spice things up, pick a piece of paper out of the jar and see where you’re going that night. It might be that you’re going to Victorian England, where a tea party turns into a ménage à trois; or you might be on a pirate ship, where the pirate is “interrogating” you; or you might want to rent a hotel room, dress up as a high-class call girl, and have your significant other, or others, come to the room as your customers.
Take turns on who is planning the fantasizes. One night it may be you, and the next it may be your partner. That will provide a nice a nice variety.
It would be a good idea to keep toys and costumes on hand to help with your plans. That’s where talking things out helps. If you want to be a knight of the round table pleasuring his lady after a council meeting, you want chain mail, not a sultan’s outfit.
Shopping for costumes can be entertaining. While you’re looking through the racks, lean over and whisper an idea into your significant other’s ear. Watching their reaction, and acting on it, can turn into an unplanned fantasy that will fulfill you both. Buy gloves and masks that will fun to wear and entertaining for your partner.
Sex is supposed to be fun, and fantasies will ramp up that fun. But, as always, keep things safe, sane and consensual, and have a good time exploring new worlds and situations.