Chances are, when you had the bird and bees talk with your parents they didn’t include a chapter on bondage, threesomes or moresomes, or the idea that you like to watch your partner get themselves off before you join in the fun.
That talk, whether it was with your parents or at school, probably raised a lot of questions. If you were like me you thought about it quite a bit, but when the teacher, or your mother, asked if you had any questions, your hand stayed at your side and you shook your head no.
But once you’ve started having sex, and those desires present themselves to you, it’s hard to know how to act upon them.
Learning to accept your desires
For many of us, when we start to go left when we’ve been told to go right, we think there is something wrong. It took me quite a bit of time to figure out there is no map to follow when it comes to your sexual yearnings. No two people are alike, and those words are especially true when it comes to sex.
The first thing you have to do, when you decide kink is going to be a word used often in your sex life, is not beat yourself up about it.
I write erotic fiction. I’ve always been a writer, but what I wanted to write in the fiction world could have come from my early experiences. I started reading romance novels when I was fourteen, and we’re not talking about the sweet he kissed her, and then the scene faded to black. I started with the hardcore stuff, although I didn’t know it at the time.
The scenes were much different than the talk they’d had in school, and they fascinated me. I read as much as I could, searching for books in the library and authors named as Anonymous at the bookstore. Did it bother me that I became aroused when a woman was dominated, or spanked, in the books? At first, yes, but then I talked about it with a friend, and he likened sexual desires to what sort of food you ate.
“You like pizza?”
“You know I do,” I said.
“How about ham?”
I shuddered. It’s the one food that never finds its way onto my plate.
“You’re weird,” he said. “I love it.”
“Doesn’t make me weird, it makes me different,” I said.
And just like that I didn’t care that I liked to have a little diversity in my sex life. Plus, I came to the realization if someone didn’t like my kinks, that was their problem, and not mine.
Oh decisions, decisions. There are so many choices out there that it’s hard to decide what you want to try first. The choice is up to you and your partner, or partners. Just remember that in this, as in all things, you need to keep things safe, sane and consensual.
Picking out your kink isn’t really that hard. All you really need to do is figure what titillated you the most in books, or articles, that you’ve read. The Internet makes discovering naughty things much easier than when you to withstand the stare of a bookstore clerk when you put an Anonymous book on the counter when you checked out. I can still see a few of those glares, only now they make me laugh.
So you want to explore your kinky side, but you’re not sure where to begin. That answer is simple: Start slowly. Don’t expect to be the center of a scene in a club if you’re just learning. First, go to that club and watch someone else perform a scene and see how it makes you feel. Take your significant other, or others, with you and have an entertaining discussion afterward.
As always, communication is important, but in letting your kinky side be known, it can also be fun to surprise your partner. It’s more fun to show up naked on your lover’s doorstep than to say, “I’m coming over, and I don’t have any clothes on.”
A few suggestions for a walk on the wild side
Say you want to be spanked…You might drop something, and they say in your best Mae West voice, “Oh my, what a naughty girl I am. Maybe I need a spanking.” When your lover answers in a stern voice, you know you’re in for some fun.
What if you want to be blindfolded…“This new scarf of mine is so soft, and it would cut out all the light.” Tie it around your eyes and then reach out for your partner. When he/she/they say, “Oh my, let’s get naked,” you’ll know you’ve made the right move.
Skinny-dipping is your idea of fun…“I hear the pool is open 24/7, and it’s a full moon tonight.” Wear your suit at first, but if there is no one else around, take it off and throw it to the other side of the pool. You can just swim, or you can move on to other things. Just watch for others who might not enjoy your interlude.
Public sex…This one is a little trickier. Having sex in public is a kink that many people share. Try this…go out with your lover/lovers for a nice dinner. After you order, go to the bathroom and take off your undies. When you get back to the table give them to your lover and say, “Will you hold these for me? I don’t think I’m going to need them the rest of the night.” That will be an appetizer that could last all night long. But use caution. If the police are called it could be disastrous.
Role playing…Wow, that movie was great fun to watch. What if you want to take the characters a step further, and bring them into your bedroom? You could be a maid having sex with her employer, or a space pilot being interrogated by the planetary authorities, or the governor’s daughter captured by pirates. Whatever your idea, run with it and keep a few costumes on hand to spice things up.
Kink is described in the dictionary as a twist in an ordinarily straight line. Those twists can spice up an ordinarily vanilla sex life, and make you smile all day long.