A lover of mine once asked me to use my feet to stroke him to completion. It was something I never expected to hear, especially from this particular man. I was shocked. He always seemed so vanilla. Thankfully, age had mellowed me out, and I had learned long before not to judge others when it came to their kinks and fetishes. So I smiled and shrugged and said, “Okay.”
I did as he asked. His request brought me no real pleasure other than the satisfaction of seeing him enjoying himself. He was thrilled with the results! And I was thrilled with the reciprocation I received for my job well done.
So when it came time to write about this subject, I wondered how other people would react in a similar situation. What would another do if their lover shared an unexpected fetish? My peer group tended to be open-minded about everything. (We are who we hang out with, I guess.) Yet, like the man who surprised me with his request, I figured I might be surprised by their responses.
I called three of my best friends to find out what they would do if their lovers shared an unexpected fetish while in bed.
Do what makes you happy…
The first person I spoke with was my dear friend and fellow author, Laney Rogers. I expected Laney to be open-minded about fetishes. Afterall, she is an active participant in the BDSM lifestyle with her husband, and we like to attend BDSM conferences and events together. Attending these gatherings allows us to meet all types of kinksters and fetishists.
When I posed the question to Laney, she provided a very thoughtful answer.
“Fifteen years ago, I might have let other people’s judgements get in the way, but with maturity comes a certain kind of freedom to not feel pressured to conform to society’s standards. What is normal? Who decided that? Some years in the lifestyle have taught me to embrace life with both hands, throw caution to the wind, not to worry what other people think, and to do what makes me and my partner happy. I would first tell the person how much I love that they trusted me enough to share, that I admire them for their bravery because not everyone is that courageous or comfortable with vulnerability. As long is everything is safe and consensual and the trust is there, I would participate and embrace the fetish. Afterward, I would discuss how we both felt sharing this fetish experience together.”
Be true to yourself…
The second person I called was my awesome critique partner, author Demi Alex. A fun, vibrant woman—and bestselling author of the Moresome series—I knew she was down with polyandry lifestyles and some kink, but I wasn’t sure how she felt about fetishes. When I asked her what she would do if her lover unexpectedly shared a fetish fantasy with her, she blurted out the below:
“Let loose! You gotta try it. You never know! Try everything once. —Correction: Try almost everything once. We all have our hard limits.”
This sudden correction made me laugh. “What would you advise if the fetish presented was against hard limits?” I asked.
“Be true to yourself and the relationship. Explain that it is a hard limit. A good partner respects it. A hard limit is a hard limit.”
Be prepared for anything…
The last person I called was SwingTowns contributor, bestselling author Melinda Barron. She is very knowledgeable on all things fetish. I know from her writings that she enjoys BDSM, domestic discipline, and ménages, but I was curious how she would respond to fetishes. I called. From a secluded alcove in a public library, she answered quietly…
“I’d probably tell the person, ‘Wow, that’s interesting. Let’s give that a try.’ And hope my expression didn’t show my shock. I’d like to think I would have an inkling it was coming, even if I didn’t know what the exact fetish was. I guess be prepared for anything.”
Be prepared for anything and everything. Good advice.