Skip to main content

One of the most valuable commodities for those in the swinger lifestyle is the ability to read stories, experiences, and opinions of others with more experience. Today, we’re sharing a true story (submitted anonymously) to help you shed doubt, worry, and fear.

This is a true account. 

couple enjoying the swinger lifestyle

I was thirty-three years old and married to the man of my dreams. Then, we had the talk: we wanted to see other people. Together. A.K.A. we wanted to try swinging.

We started by going to a club, and our first experience was everything we hoped it would be and more. Although we didn’t play with anyone, the sex we had with each other — while others watched! — was incredibly hot. Doing it “out in the open” added something. But, we wanted to go further. 

So, within a few months, we’d made some good friends in the SwingTowns groups and were chatting, flirting, exchanging pics, and making plans to hook up. 

Then it hit me.
What was I doing?

Was the Swinger Lifestyle Really for Me?

My husband and I had a great marriage.
Our sex was great.
Everything I needed from a relationship, he was able to give to me. 

So why was I exchanging naked pics with other dudes? Why was he making plans to sleep with other women who might compete with me in bed… and why was I totally okay with that?

There’s this odd narrative about monogamy in our society that can make us feel icky or even immoral about wanting something different. When my husband and I first got involved in the swinger lifestyle, I had to take a step back. I was dealing with these impulsive feelings of shame and fear. It was like everything we were doing was somehow wrong (even though it was consensual). And I was afraid it would only cause problems in the long run (despite the fact that my husband and I seemed closer with each shared experience).

Eventually, I took a hard look at myself and I realized all these negative feelings had only been programmed into me. I don’t come from a religious background, but notions about “one man, one woman” and “till death do us part” had been ingrained in everything from books to movies and family discussions since I was a baby. Once I was willing to step outside of all that and ask myself what I wanted, it became very clear to me. I wanted my husband. 

But I also wanted way more than either of us had been taught we could ask for.

couple enjoying the swinger lifestyle

How We Started Living Our Truth

Since going into this lifestyle full-swing (pun completely intended), I’m happier and my marriage is stronger than ever before.

Is it always easy?
No — and that’s part of the fun!

As a swinger lifestyle newbie, you’ll repeatedly hear that “communication is key” and that is 100% accurate. The sheer amount of talking you and your partner have to do in order to negotiate rules, set boundaries, understand why you did or didn’t like something, etc. will leave you exhausted at times. But the beauty is in how much you discover about yourselves along the way, and how much closer you become.

So what does the lifestyle have to offer you? Here are some things it’s given to us:

  • Learned about sexuality (and spent time unlearning the stupid things that were brainwashed into us)
  • Had the opportunity to try things that were never considered before (and couldn’t be done with just one person)
  • Discovered new feelings and sensations
  • Made new friends
  • Gotten to know each other (and ourselves) better
  • We’ve had FUN, and yes
  • We both got so much better in bed.

Eventually, the doubts slip away. And, what’s left is a world of freedom and excitement like you’ve never experienced before.