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Oral sex, you either love it, or you hate it. There is not much gray in this area, at least there isn’t with the people I’ve talked to about it.

If they say they hate it, I generally say one thing, “You’re doing it wrong.” One friend told me there was only one way to perform oral sex, and I said, once again, “If you think that, you’re doing it wrong.”

Another friend told me she loved it. Oral sex, she said, puts you in a position of power. You’re in control of things, and your man loves it. And, if you do it right, you’ll love it, too.

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Figuring Things Out

Like snowflakes, no two penises are alike. That means you have to try many different things to figure out what your man likes. You can ask him, and he’ll probably answer. Most men I know are not afraid to talk about sex, and what they like.

But if you’re adventurous and want to take the hands-on approach, so to speak, try different things when you’re playing with your man. You’ll both enjoy playtime when you try these ideas to kickstart the fun.

First Things First

The first thing you need to do is to not think of oral sex as a chore, that means take your time and enjoy the ride. Don’t just move up and down and be ready for what you might think of as the final event. In the right circumstances, oral sex can be the main event. It can prolong your bedroom time, and make both of you laugh and have fun.

If the idea, or the reality, of taking an erect penis into your mouth doesn’t sit well with you, add your hands to the mix. Fist his shaft and move it up and down as your mouth works its magic on the head. Make sure you use lotion that keeps your hand nice and wet.

His reaction will tell you the amount of tension you need to use. If it’s too tight, and he sounds like he’s not enjoying your ministrations, loosen your grip. If he tells you to tighten up, do just that. With this it’s trial and error, and it could change from one time to time, depending on your lover’s mood.

If you are not using your hand on his shaft, let it drift a little farther south and play with his sac. A light touch is needed here, because if you grab and twist, he’ll be screaming in pain. But if you gently stroke his sac while you’re mouth is moving up and down, it will add to the pleasure he feels, and it will make you feel sensual when he begs for more.

Don’t Forget the Extras

It’s the little things that make things exciting, which includes using your teeth and your tongue in many places that you might not have thought about.

While your mouth is working up and down, move your tongue around his shaft, flicking it back and forth to create sweet friction. Trace it around his head and around his slit. This is where you want to take your time. It increases the tension, for the both of you.

Using your teeth can work, too, but not in a it’s time to enjoy dinner way. Gently nibble on his shaft, teasing him until you can hear the change in his voice. But be careful, teeth can hurt. Nibbling can be fun, but biting can bring an end to things, really fast.

There are the Super Extras

One thing most men tell me they are reluctant to mention to their lovers is what a friend of mine said was the most sensitive part of his body, and that is the perineum, the area that runs through from the balls to the anus.

Flicking your tongue up and down that area while you’re fisting his shaft will bring him great pleasure, or at least that’s what several men I know have told me.

It’s not just your tongue and your hands that you can use. If your man is lying on his back, and you’re bending over him, you can rub your breasts up and down his shaft, and bend your head to lick his head. Or you can lie on your back and have him bury himself between your breasts, which can end with what is lovingly called a pearl necklace.

If you think deep-throating is something you want to try do it in steps. Don’t expect to be the star of a film the first time. Take it slow, learn to relax your muscles and allow yourself to enjoy it.

Use some candies…yes, you heard me right. Breath mints that make your mouth feel fresh can also provide heat that produces sensations that will blow your man’s mind. Just make sure you don’t swallow the mint before playtime is done.

Most of All, Enjoy the Ride

Remember, no two penises are the same, and that means oral sex is different every time. Don’t just use your mouth. Use your hands, your breasts, and your tongue to blow your man’s mind, and yours, too.

Read More: Oral Sex Techniques That Actually Make Women Orgasm