Before we were parents, we were a couple who did the best we could to make each other top priority. Sex was high on the priority list for both of us and we indulged as much as possible. Once our first baby arrived, like most new parents, we started shifting our focus.
We were so excited about our baby and taking care of her took a lot of time and energy. Before we knew it, our sex life was suffering dearly. At times, we were too exhausted to care. Once we realized that we needed to change things in order to make sex a priority again, we found several easy ways to revive that sexy spark between the two of us again.
When we remembered that having sex is a way to strengthen our relationship and care for one another, this made both of us make extra efforts to initiate sex and be more affectionate. We don’t deny one another of any other basic needs. We never stopped food shopping or paying the water bill just because we had a baby to care for. Why should we stop having sex? For a couple like us, being sexually satisfied always made for a better overall mood, better quality sleep, and better focus at work. Since we both want the best for each other, having sex regularly needed to be a priority.
When we realized we couldn’t rely on having the time to allow sex to happen naturally, we started scheduling sex. We did our best to make sure that it was the highest priority of the day. We made sure the baby took her nap really early so she wouldn’t stay up late. When she got older, we’d take her places so she’d have a fun, full day and be ready for bed nice and early. We kept that sex appointment as though it were just as important as an appointment with an accountant, attorney, or doctor. The only way we’d cancel is if there were some serious issue or urgency.
Although we weren’t always ‘in the mood’ at the same time, we learned that we needed to be willing to compromise. Why wouldn’t we? We love each other and want to take care of one another’s needs. In the same way we cook dinner, clean the house, and run errands when we don’t “feel like it” we would do our best to get in the mood for sex even if the conditions weren’t perfect. It’s no surprise that almost every time, it worked!
As our family grew, we taught the kids that our time alone is important. We taught them to knock and wait for permission to enter our room if the door was closed. When we planned a date without them, we explained that we needed “grown up time” together. When we came home after a long work day, we made sure that greetings, conversations, and affection between the two of us were not missed even when the kids demanded our attention.
Going out on dates is always nice. During times when we are sex-starved, we often opted to book a hotel room instead of going out on a traditional date. Try sites like Hotels.com, Hotwire.com, and Priceline.com. It’s easy to find hotel rooms priced lower than what you might pay for dinner and drinks. When our schedule allows, we leave the kids with a sitter and spend a few hours in a hotel room. Sometimes we’ll go back the next morning for another round while the kids are at school! When we are on a really tight budget, we look for a motel that allows short stays.
In the same way we would tell one another if we were hungry or tired, we also make sure to tell each other when when need sex. Neither of us is a mind reader, especially when overwhelmed by the obligations involved in being a parent. When communicating our needs, we always do our best to make sure we aren’t adding more stress. Making each other feel desired instead of obligated is important. We had a sex life before we were parents, and we will not let that change just because we became parents.