Be Rough With Me, If You Please

It is a long misconceived notion that women don’t like rough sex. Well, not all women, but a great more than most people would think. The popularity of erotic novels and movies in the mainstream show that long held desires for some women are making their way into the limelight.

Unless your response to a spanking is “Slap my bottom and I’ll knock you into next week,” rough sex can be fun. If you want your partner to pull your hair, spank you, blindfold you or tie you up, it can add to the excitement. Just like you don’t want the same meal night after night, rough sex spices up things in the bedroom perfectly.

So why do more women want rough sex?

Consider this idea: You’re cooking dinner, or unboxing take-out, after a long day at work. You have more to do, like laundry and helping with homework, and the idea of a bedroom session is a nice way to blow off some steam. But then there is the question of “Do you want to be on top, or bottom?” All the sudden the idea deflates like a balloon stuck with a pin.

But that balloon can inflate once more if you add a little heat to the situation. Consider it role-playing on steroids.

More women are experimenting with the rougher side of sex. Every woman you ask with have a different reason why:

*She likes pain.
*She’s bored and wants to spice things up.
*She wants to fulfill the desires of her man, or her woman.
*She wants to fulfill her own fantasies.
*She wants to give over control to her partner.
*Or, there is this answer…just because it sounds like fun.

And that’s what sex is, fun, or at least it’s supposed to be.

Some women are intrigued by the idea of being tied up, but, as some say, there is no way I’m wearing a collar or calling someone Master. They are two totally different things. While there is rough sex in BDSM, people don’t have to be in a BDSM relationship to experience ropes, handcuffs or spankings.

So many women want to be naughty, but they’ve been trained to be good.

Lady M, a certified counselor, said rough sex can empower both partners.

“Rough sex can include things like role playing, which allows women to be naughty,” Lady M said. “So many women who participate in this type of activity are overachievers in their professional lives, and rough sex lets them give control to someone else. For many, it is a way to explore their passive side without being totally submissive.”

In other words, it can be highly pleasurable for both partners.

Which level of rough is best for you?

That’s a question only you can answer. But when you figure it out, the first step toward fulfilling your fantasies is communication.

You need to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. If they are expecting to use a flogger on you, but you only want to get the taste of a hairbrush slapped against your ass, then there is a fundamental issue that needs to be addressed.

I want it, but how do I let my desires be known?

For some women, it’s not easy to make their wishes known; they fear turning off their partner if they ask to be spanked, or if they say they want to be tied up. Discussing your needs is important. You don’t go into rough sex without telling your significant other what you want, but how do you broach the subject?

Try bringing up fantasies, or telling him/her that you’ve discussed it with friends.

“So, Hannah told me that she let Michael tie her up, and she said it made her come, really hard. I’ve been thinking about it every since she told me. Do you think it’s something we could try?”

Chances are, though, you’ve already discussed things like that, and a subtle push like, “I’ve attached ropes to the bedpost,” might take things in the right direction. Okay, that’s not so subtle, but it might get an interesting response.

Remember, there are rules

And while you want to experience the rough stuff, there are a few guidelines that need to be kept in mind. Rough sex may not be BDSM in all its glory, but sometimes it can be dangerous. So you need to keep things safe, sane and consensual. Make sure your partner wants to participate, and make sure you have a safe word, and the safe word can’t be something you say during sex, like, stop, no, more, oh my…you get the picture. It needs to be something totally off the wall for bedroom play…like giraffe. Just make sure it’s something you’ll be able to remember when you’re in the “throes of passion.” (How’s that for a romance novel term?)

Savor your walk on the wild side. It could lead you to places you’ve never been, and will want to visit again.

Melinda Barron on Blogger
Melinda Barron
Melinda Barron is a multi-published erotic author specializing in BDSM and menage stories. You can find her work on Loose Id, Resplendence Publishing and Blushing Books.
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