Women can enjoy sex with multiple partners just as much as men can. This statement might seem obvious to some. Based on my experience, not many people buy into this. The reason I write about my sex life is because this still seems a little unclear. When I search for sex-positive information about non-monogamy or casual sex, the majority of content is written for or by men. When I go to a swinger party or club, proactive, assertive men outnumber women who assert themselves by A LOT. When I log into social sites like SwingTowns, messages from women are few and far between even, even when they’re coming from a couple. Most women still wait in the wings to be approached. Often, women rely on a male partner, a group of friends, or a spouse to help her do her field work.
Women have made a lot of progress in our attempts to nix the double standard against those of us who are highly libidinous. The idea of the undesirable, unworthy, unclean ‘slut’ is slowly becoming a myth that fewer ascribe to. The popularity of porn centered around the hotwife and cuckolding proves that the highly sexed woman is finally embraced and accepted, even if only in fantasy for some.
If we choose not to be monogamous, this choice should be one that gives us charge of our desires in every which way: the when, the how, the limits, and the frequency should be based entirely on our needs. If we are in a committed relationship where we’ve agreed that sexual contact with others is acceptable, then consideration to the relationship should be equally important, even while we make our own pleasure a high priority.
I know why women like me hesitate to make their presence known. So many women who want a lot of sex often decide it’s not worth the trouble of trying to get it. Often, I’m guilty of the same. The societal stigma that makes a woman hesitate to make her sexual desires known is ingrained in nearly all of us. Highly sexual women have been degraded much more than we’ve ever been celebrated. Words that describe men who possess great sexual prowess tend to be complementary. Many of these words are indicative of impressive masculinity and desirability. Libidinous women are called sluts, whores, tramps and much worse. Given this burden, is it surprising that a woman might not jump at the chance to make her high libido obvious?
There is only one way for women to change this. Our sexual needs must become as commonplace and accepted as that of men’s. Women who want sex should go out and get it without apology or reservation. People who disapprove of women who enjoy copious amounts of sexual activity should examine the archaic, sexist reasoning behind this perspective. Women who have an abundance of sexual fantasies are no different than anyone else.
If you’re a woman and you don’t want to be monogamous, don’t be. Any responsible adult can choose to have as much or as little sex with as many partners as she desires. We need to stop worrying about what others think and boldly go after what we want. We need to be comfortable with the possibility of rejection. I don’t want to waste my time waiting for the right person to approach me. I’d much rather approach people I am interested in and risk being rejected. Just make your needs more important that the opinions of others. Don’t let anyone stop you.