We’re never really taught how to date casually — and if you’re a hopeless romantic, you may think it’s an impossible way to live, even temporarily. But if you give it a chance, casual dating can save you a lot of time and energy while still adding plenty of pleasure to your life.
Think about it: casual dating (with the right people) is all romance all the time.
No drama and no pressure for things to go anywhere serious. Just two people trying hella to impress each other and hopefully getting a little nakey every now and then! And when you’re not physically with anyone else, you get a chance to focus on… that’s right… you.
Even if you don’t want to date casually forever, it can be a great way to get sh*t done while still fulfilling your sexy needs if you aren’t ready to commit to anyone yet. Just make sure the people you get involved with know what’s up to avoid hurt feelings!
With that said, we offer our best advice on how to date casually — even if you’re a hopeless romantic.
Communicate
If you’re scrolling through profiles and come across a cutie who is looking for their “one,” you can bet that isn’t a person to hit up (no matter how adorable their dog is). And if they approach you, you still have to be direct. It’s the only way to avoid awkwardness later on. Plus, it’s just the right thing to do. Here are some communication tips if it’s not one of your better strengths.
Know your boundaries
If you’re meeting their family, getting too close to their friends, or obsessively worrying about who they’re talking to, it’s not casual anymore. You know who you are and what you need to do to maintain healthy boundaries with the people you’re seeing. For example, maybe you only see a person once every two weeks — and you never stalk their Facebook or “heart” their Instagram posts from six months ago. The second you feel a relationship manifesting, it’s best to cut things off and move on… otherwise, someone is bound to get hurt.
Actually see more than one person
Don’t get lazy the first time you meet someone you vibe with. It’s way easier to catch feelings for someone if they’re the only one fulfilling your romantic/sexual needs, so having other options is a must. You don’t need to be seeing someone new every other week. Just do your best to make sure that if one person is too busy for you, you have back-ups — or at least something fun you can do by yourself! Maybe even have a night in with some candles and your favorite vibrator. You can pleasure yourself just fine, queen!
Keep yourself in check
No, you don’t have to listen to your date describe last night’s sexcapade or even talk about the other people they’re seeing if you don’t want to. It’s perfectly normal to feel jealousy even if you’re not committed to someone and vice versa, so it’s a good idea to set clear boundaries at the beginning! And don’t take it personally if someone you’re talking to shows interest in someone else. It’s very likely to happen, so take a breath and talk about it if something bothers you.
Don’t put it on Instagram
If you’re having the best margarita of your life, there’s nothing wrong with snapping some pics for the ‘gram. But do you really need to tag your date in the pic too? Nah. Getting too friendly on social media can complicate things for you and the people you’re seeing. Play it safe: leave your dates out of it.
Talk about sex
The “casual” part of casual dating does not (I repeat: not) apply to sex. Keep your testing up-to-date and make sure your partners do the same. Know what your limits are before getting physical and make sure everyone else does too — and keep those condoms handy! It’s important, fam.
Keep a healthy distance
Unless you’re looking for friends with benefits (which is not the same thing as casual dating), you don’t want to be sending any of your dates “good morning” texts or complaining to them about your boss after a long day of work. Know who you’re dating — i.e. be present and get to know them when you’re together / make sure they aren’t psycho — but other than that, keep communication to a minimum.
Don’t date your co-workers or classmates
When things go wrong, and they often do with dating just in general, you want to make sure you have an easy out! Trust, it’s really difficult to cut ties with someone you sit next to at a desk for hours every week. Just don’t do it.
Check in with your feelings
Hopeless romantic or not, sometimes you just can’t help but like someone. And if romance or sex are already involved, heartbreak is likely to happen unless you do something about it. That’s why it’s a good idea to catch those emotions as soon as they start to develop. That’s when you know it’s time to either re-assess what you want — and find out what the other person is open to — or cut ties.
Know yourself
Casual dating can be difficult no matter who you are, but if you’ve ever cried watching Love Actually or you have a special affinity for Ed Sheeran, I think it’s safe to say you’re in for a ride. That doesn’t mean it can’t work for you or that you’ll end up hating it! You just have to be totally upfront with yourself about who you are. We all have special needs and weaknesses when it comes to relationships. The better you know yourself, the better able you’ll be to catch red flags — and avoid catching feelings!
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Read More: Everything You Need to Know for a Healthy Sex Life
