Homework for Your Sub

Submissive Self-Care

For those among us with negative associations with schoolwork, the idea of bringing homework into a BDSM relationship might be cringe-worthy. I’m asking you to set aside that reflexive instinct and open your eyes to a world of possibilities.

Homework isn’t just for the overbearing teacher and delinquent student, it’s popular with dominants of all stripes who want to exercise their power over their submissive even after the last spanking is a distant memory.

Your homework could be kind, cruel, or nurturing. Homework can be an effective tool for D/s relationships that integrate behavioral modification, or a fun extra to toss on your (consenting) sub when you want to be sure that your influence has a lasting impression. Here are the topics of a few of my favorite homework assignments:

Exploratory masturbation

Exploratory masturbation is a great homework assignment for a sub, especially one who is interested in a type of play but unsure where to begin. Whether the assignment is finding their G-spot, milking their prostate, training to stretch an orifice, or trying a new toy, your sub will be surprised to have homework they look forward to for once.

Edging or forced orgasms

Another fun masturbation assignment for your submissive is an edging or forced orgasm session. Edging can be delicious torture for a sub who isn’t allowed to come, and if they were in chastity before that, it’s a downright evil task. On the other end of the spectrum, forced orgasms from masturbation are a great display of obedience – is there anything more flattering than your sub being so devoted to you that they’ll eke out the required orgasms even when nobody else is present and it’s painful to do so?

Writing assignments

Depending on the dynamic and kinks of my partners, I like to assign homework that is similar to a traditional school assignment. I’ve asked submissives to write me essays on the meaning of pain, poems about how exquisite I am, erotic fiction about their kinks, and, for the sub that I want to endure mindless tedium, research papers.

Research and Oral Reports

As someone who enjoys a lot of non-sexual domination, it pleases me to make my submissives useful to me outside of the bedroom. I have been known to assign unusual research topics to my submissives, and then I’ll make them tell me about what they learned. If I really want to amp up the tedium, I’ll spring a surprise quiz on them. It’s a great party trick.


Sometimes your sub needs a new sex toy or outfit. While picking these things for your submissive can be fun, some dominants don’t enjoy shopping, or may not be interested in controlling these things. In these instances, it can be useful to assign it as homework for your sub instead – as an assignment, it gets you more involved than you would be if they went shopping without your knowledge, and it can be very helpful for getting an idea of your sub’s sense of style and interests. Sometimes the homework is buying a gift for you. What they buy doesn’t even have to be kinky. Sometimes the shopping is price comparing dishwashers because they’ve been procrastinating on buying one for weeks, or buying you the video game you wanted. Your dynamic will dictate a lot of how this sort of assignment works.


Some dominants are loving, nurturing types, and many of these doms can make use of self-care homework for their sub. Assignments that require a sub to do self-care tasks help add a layer of accountability that may motivate them to make an effort that may be difficult to exert otherwise. These tasks can be as simple as, “Take a shower this week,” or as complicated as, “Make a budget to sort out your finances.” It’s important to be sure that your sub is interested in this before you assign it, because some subs won’t appreciate meddling in their self-care habits.

As I’ve effectively demonstrated, homework doesn’t have to be dull! Homework is a way to keep yourself at the front of your sub’s mind until your next kinky encounter. This list is only a small fraction of the types of homework you can assign – the only limits are your imagination, consent, and the law.

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Sugarcunt is a kinky, nonbinary queer who reviews sex toys and writes about sex, gender, queerness, mental illness, and body image at Sugarcunt Writes. They live in North Carolina with their wife, three animals, and an army of fucktoys. Visit Sugarcunt Writes for more information.