Sapiosexual: attracted to intelligence
There ought to be a scale for this, ranging from 1 to 6 like the Kinsey Scale, where 1 = “don’t talk, don’t text, let’s just pick a place and fuck” and 6 = “reading your published article on string theory makes me hard.” We’d still need some assessment tools, though. I offer the following for your consideration:
1) You enjoy pre-sex conversations.
In fact you may need them to be properly turned on. There really is no way to get to know whether someone’s intelligence is what you like, unless you’re in communication with them. Whether in person, over the phone, or through a written medium, you need some time and exposure and probably a bit of lively back-and-forthing to get your brain on fire.
2) You enjoy post-sex conversations.
Maybe you like to hear your lover talk; maybe you like to jump on in. Sudden flights of conversation about your partner’s newest project or about the economic strengths of the Carthaginian empire are not unheard of. You do not find it weird if your partner keeps a notebook by the bed for jotting ideas down. Or a drawing pad. Or a whiteboard even.
3) You treat knowledge like a gift.
When you’re starting a relationship, you like to forward articles to your lover that you know they’d be interested in, or perhaps pieces that continue the amazing post-coital conversation you were having just the other day. If your lover presents you with a bit of information that you really had no idea about, you don’t get defensive or weird about it because they know something you didn’t already know. You get EXCITED. And turned on.
4) You are genuinely curious about other people’s passions.
You want to know what they really geek out about. Watching someone light up when they talk about the upcoming visual arts festival they’re volunteering at, or the way they just organized their own personal library, or the 11 kinds of turtles they saw on their scuba diving trip last month… that gives you a little thrill. You might not talk a lot, but you will ask people good questions, because this is how you can find out whose brain you really want to fuck.
5) You specifically pick date locations for conversation potential.
Controversial movies, exhibits… whatever it is, you love discussion and debate. You’ll talk with your lover(s) about where they want to go, of course, but you’ve always got your eye on… “and then we’ll take an hour or two afterward to deconstruct the shit out of it.” And maybe make a diorama or cosplay out of it.
6) You use the lounge at sex clubs, FOR TALKING.
<GASP> I know! It sounds wild, but even for casual pick-ups, you need a bit of time to suss out the other person’s smarts. So it may be 2am and the joint is bumping, but you’ll still be out there on the tarp-covered couch, having an enthusiastic discussion about political strategies in post-Brexit UK. Other people might wonder a little, but what do they know? This is actually your foreplay.
7) You don’t actually use the word sapiosexual.
Maybe as a cute little category in your head. But you don’t put it in your online profile, or toss it around in conversation or correspondence with potential partners. No self-aware sapiosexual would swing the word around like some kind of sharp-edged measuring stick. Just like every other preference, there are ways of going about looking for this without shoving into everyone else’s face that they may not pass your test.
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