Although society is getting better at acknowledging the complexities of love and sexuality, there’s still a lot to learn. Truth is, monogamy is not for everyone — not even all married couples. It’s easy to make assumptions about swingers, especially when literally everyone else does. I mean, when’s the last time you didn’t see swingers portrayed as a weird older couple with no sense of boundaries? But swinging is not as strange or uncommon as some people make it out to be. In fact, you probably know some swingers yourself (*cough* there’s a reason there are millions of members on our site *cough*). Here are 7 too-common misconceptions about swingers, and the truth.
1. They’re dirty
For no particular reason, except maybe that our culture loves to slut-shame, there’s a common misconception that swingers don’t have safe sex and are all most likely carrying around STD’s.
First of all.
It’s expected that swingers clubs and parties provide free condoms for participants, and that participants actually use them.
Second, many swingers have greater knowledge about sex from an educational standpoint since being apart of this community tends to involve hella research.
Third, swinging isn’t typically something you do just once. Couples who want to swing again and again have to be careful. Not to mention, most people just don’t want freaking STD’s so they’re going to be careful.
2. They’re creepy
Yes, there are some weird swingers out there, but that’s only because there are some weird people out there.
Truth is, swingers come in all different varieties with a lot of them being in their 20s and 30s. They also tend to be a little more well off (how else do you think they afford all those sexy cruises and parties?)
If you want to know what swingers look like, just take a look at your community.
They are not, I repeat: NOT, leathery old people with butt injections and gold chains like you see in the movies.
Well, not all of them.
3. All swingers come in pairs
Believe it or not, there are some single swingers out there. These much sought-after individuals are generally bisexual females called “unicorns” and you can read all about them here.
4. All swingers swap their wives
This is another misconception about swingers that, while true for some couples, is certainly not true for all of them.
Swingers tend to fall into one of two categories: full swap or soft swap.
It’s just like it sounds. Full swap couples will fully “swap out” so each person is having sex with someone else from another couple.
Soft swap couples will stop somewhere around second or third base and are more common than you might think — especially for couples that are new to the lifestyle and still trying things out!
5. Swinging is a man’s world
Women get more attention in the swingers’ community and they also tend to call the shots. In fact, don’t be surprised if you hear from women that they are more comfortable — and feel far more respected — at a swingers’ club than at most bars.
That’s probably because swingers’ clubs are specifically for fooling around, so you can bet there will be rules in place to ensure that any physical activity is 100% consensual!
Swingers events should always have a zero-tolerance policy for harassment. If you want to know how safe a club/party/etc is, talk to the women! Learn what rules are in place and how to protect yourself if someone doesn’t comply. And remember: the safest thing is always to go with someone that you trust. It tends to be more fun too!
6. Men can’t experiment
There are a couple of reasons that straight men can be wary of swingers’ clubs. One is that they’re worried they’ll feel obligated to do stuff with other dudes. The other is that they know that they want to experiment and think it won’t be allowed.
Fortunately, swingers’ clubs are very sexually liberating places for both men and women. If you want to try something, you just have to ask and hope for the best.
That said, consent is everything. If you don’t want to do something, you just have to say it and vice versa!
7. Swingers can’t be monogamous
This one might seem like a head-scratcher, but it’s true — swingers can be monogamous!
That is, a couple might swing together but be opposed to opening up their relationship or allowing one/both partners to have solo sex with anyone.
Again, each couple has its own rules. It’s important to always be up-front so you know what’s going on before you jump into anything.
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